Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
