i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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