Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
