ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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