My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
