Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
