I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
