i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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