I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What a dumb baby whore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
