I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
