I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
