i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
