so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
