I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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