what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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