i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
