i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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