and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
