How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
