he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize