Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
