Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
