I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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