So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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