You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize