Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
