I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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