I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
