u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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