Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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