I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize