took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
