Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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