It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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