he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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