She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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