My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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