you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
