I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
