Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
