Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up under a house in Key West
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
