using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk is not a location!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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