Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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