if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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