My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
