I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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