I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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