Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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