I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
