By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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