cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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