I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize