so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
