The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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