I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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