My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
