I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
