i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
