I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize