I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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