Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
