why didn't you poke me back
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
