We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
