guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
