whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
