Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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